French funerals are quaint and discreet. Nothing ostentatious. No loud bands. No loud chatting. Everything is toned down and low key. White satin. Blue satin. The cross. Holy water. Roses. Cremation. Back to the earth in the garden of memories. How fleeting life is.

You accepted me warmly into the family, always a kind word, always a smile. You teased me and told me not to bully your son because he’s your son. You were never angry with me and you accepted me as who I am. Me with my strong character and fiery temper. Me, who has “un caractère de cochon”. You are my second dad.

The loss. It’s hard to bear. Yet we knew. The Virgin Mary has come to guide you back to your loved ones in Heaven. You will no longer feel pain in your bad leg. I imagine you walking briskly or even sprinting, happy as a lark, porto in one hand and a cigarette in the other. Although I’m not sure if people smoke in heaven.

I’ve lost my linguistic ability to write. My words cannot flow. Words are not enough to convey what I would like to say. Or it is I, who do not have the words.

Your ashes are back in the same town where you were born. The garden of memories. You are back to nature, gone with the wind. You are free.

You were so respected. So popular. You helped anyone who came to see you when they had a problem. From above, when you see the church filled to the brim, you know how you have touched the lives of many.

The priest said “Those who love come back to life. Those who do not love remain in death.” You loved everyone during your lifetime. You will remain alive in our hearts.

Joli papa in heaven, may you rest in peace.

Went to distribute food with the Salvation Army the other day and it was really very well organised with things carried out with military precision. That of course, with the Salvation Army giving out food 364 days a year , they had better be better organised. (The 365th day will be Saint Sylvestre where the poor and the homeless would be welcomed to a warm shelter with their New Year Eve’s meal.) There are mixed feelings as you see the poor and homeless queueing up, pass you to get their dessert, cheese, mineral water and hot food. Poverty has not robbed some of their good upbringing. “Bonsoir” and “Merci” were exchanged and gentlemanly smiles were detected. The opposite of the spectrum is also true. Terse grabbing of the food from your hands and not a word of thanks. There were yet others who asked if there were not other flavours for the dessert other than the one that we were distributing. There were well clad people in the queue too, with expensive looking handbags who came for the free meal, jostling with others who might be having their first meal of the day. These people are really repulsive. Just because they could not be bothered to cook for dinner, they decided to swing by and pick up their food. As volunteers, we could not deny whoever came into the queue and to prevent agression, we distribute accordingly making sure that each person only took one of which, but of course there will always be those fellows that’d make off with two. It became slightly aggressive towards the end of the distribution where a guy tried to run away with two plates of piping hot food. Ratatouille and breaded turkey took on such a different signification here as the security guard tried to restore order with the end of the queue shoving one another trying to get at the few remaining plates left out of the 350 portions.

“Il y a la guerre même dans la misère,” said an older volunteer to me. It means there is also war in misery. When people are desperate, they become aggressive and satisfying their own needs become so important that they forget about everything else. Of course it is easy for me to say so, being an armchair critic and all. It must be really difficult for them.  I’m actually proud of the French government for not forgetting these people, of contributing 60 pct towards the Salvation Army funds and distributing 350 meals each night without fail. The organisers and volunteers who does this on a daily basis have my utmost respect. Even in the cold 10°C Parisian nights, they consecrated an hour of their time  to make sure that the poor and homeless are fed, without expecting anything in return.

It makes me wonder why human beings are so dissatisfied all the time. Always complaining, always wanting something better than what they have when others are struggling with basic needs i.e. a roof over their head, a warm meal, a warm place to sleep at night (which is not going to be easy due to the sudden plunge in temperature). Why is being contented with what we have so difficult? Maslow’s Pyramid is always at the back of my mind. Self fulfilment, self actualisation, what must we do to achieve all that? When can we finally indulge in simple things in life and finally enjoy and actually be happy for once.

In 2009 Jan, my contract was not renewed even though I thought I stood a pretty good chance since I got along very well with my boss but alas it was not meant to be. There were other job options in the same industry at that time but being highly optimistic and thinking of trying some bravery, I decided to take myself to the US for a month in February to visit my friends and also to embark on a journey of self discovery.  I wanted to do something else besides what I’m doing for a living.  I wanted to get out of this industry and try my hand at something I’d really like to do. What did I discover in the in the land of dreams?  All I had was lots of fun and quality time spent with friends in San Francisco, New York and Boston. Yet with regards to the real purpose -discovering myself and my calling? Aucune idée. It’s scary when you are young and clueless and you still haven’t figured out when you really want to do.

March and April was our honeymoon trip to Japan where we toured 10 cities in 23 days. Akihabara is amazing and Kiba loves the vibe and all the comic bookstores of the electric city. We got to know our friend’s parents a little better and felt the warmth of their family. Japanese are such warm and welcoming people that the whole of Japan feels like a home away from home. We even had the crazy idea to take an overnight ferry ride to Pusan and back just to “take up the challenge” of a friend’s funny suggestion since he was poking fun at the Singaporean in me whom had the need to cover as much ground as possible in order to get the best out of the honeymoon. Haha. It was nevertheless fun although it results in nights where we almost had no hotel rooms/ryokan to sleep in since Kiba is the adventurer who loves to go on trips with minimal preparation. Challenging yes, gave me lots of heart attacks, yeah too.

Oblivious to how bad the economic climate was since I was still floating on a cloud  after the honeymoon I just let myself be free and did not bother to really look for a job in May.

My friend came to visit in June and we did London together. One huge funny story which she swore me to secrecy which I’m not supposed to tell. Key words are “heavy machinery”, “human error”, “backbreaking”, “geographically challenging” , “Opéra in Paris” and you could piece the puzzle together.

July to November was the fall when I realised that job fairs are totally useless in Europe and all they do is to make you depressed. When you had to jostle with people with tired looking faces, the men with suits unironed and women, décoiffée, you knew that they had been out of jobs for quite a while. Nothing came through and job agencies were cold. Doors did not open and it was a difficult time. Panic attacks, anxieties, self doubts, exasperation and a myriad of negative feelings set in. Mostly against the world, against Europe, against France.

December saw me with a permanent job which I felt grateful for in these difficult times. Sadly, I’m still in the same industry. Bravery and guts were ungulfed by the crisis. However I’m still learning to be contented with what I have. How many of us actually have the good fortune to be in their dream jobs right? I guess jobs are not everything in life and what you do after work is what really matters. December was also the season of snow, delicious christmas log cakes, champagne, more horse riding sessions, chocolates from Maison du Chocolat, more good food and laughter.

That sums up my 2009 in review and here comes the rest.

2008: Married Kiba for the second time traditionally and this involved great preparations, amusing cultural differences and lots of handshaking at the door of the banquet hall. The poor appalled French family who couldn’t believe that a wedding banquet serves 8-10 courses but lasts less than 4 hours in Singapore.

2007: Struggled and finally got my first job in Paris. Was so happy that I had finally managed to fit in somewhat.

2006: Got married to Kiba civilly and threw a small buffet reception. The big move to France away from my cosy comfort zone, armed with dreams, the t-shirt on my back and a degree in my pocket. Left my family and all my friends behind. Struggling with the French administration. Excited and looking forward to the future.

2005: Graduated from university and had my graduation trip in Europe.

2004: Met Kiba for the first time in an exhibition that we were both working for. According to him, it was my downfall good fortune. He poured his savings into the airline companies, taunting fate to try to make it work for the numerous flights he took to fly to see me. The most touching was when he flew back just to spend the Mid Autumn Festival with me and boarded the flight the next day as he needed to go back to work. It was a surreal night on the balcony, a  glorious full moon in the sky, colourful paper lanterns with candles in them hanging off the rails of the balcony, mooncakes, tea and sushi takeout. (ok that doesn’t really fit into the theme of the chinese mooncake festival, but we do love sushi so) Thus started the 2 years of long distance relationship.

2003: Decided that guys are complex in universities and those who play the field are franchement nuls. Decided that friends are the best after all.

2002: Entered university where I joined an adventure club. Climbed mountains,waterfalls, made some other lifelong friends.Hitchhiking and sitting behind trucks barely sheltered from the rain in Malaysia. Night cyclings and sleeping on park benches. Those were the carefree days of the young and fearless.

2001: Slept in classes in front of my tutors as life was all about canoeing and dragonboating. Skipped classes to eat all the time. Climbed over/ Rolled under the gate to get out of school to hang out at Hebrew’s cafe with cheese nachos at 2nd Avenue, Western food at Prince in Coronation Plaza, Venezia cafe at 6th avenue with their glorious selection of gelatos. Who can ever forget KAP and the grand staircase that I love so much.

2000: Entered  junior college where I joined the canoeing team and make some lifelong friends that I will treasure and hold close to heart.

Well, that’s about it. My decade in review. It was not a bad one. Quite fun, full of laughter and joy, sadness and insecurities too. Quite fully charged with emotions. I do not know if I have emerged a better person but I hope so. I thank Kiba for putting up with all my various nonsense as the move and fitting in had not been as easy as expected. I’m turning 27 soon and it’s particularly fearful. Older but not wiser. Still finding my calling. Still seeking contentment.

I hope the new year will bring cheer and joy and everyone who reads here and the closet reader who is involved in the “funny story”, happy new year to you too. =p May good health and lady luck smile on us all.

Happy New Year! A toast to you! Tchin tchin!

3 Cheers for 2010!

The snow did not let up at all

Absolutely beautiful. I knew Normandy’s snowscape will be stunning. Got dressed and went out to take some pictures when the sun comes out just for a little while.

As the gentle sun beams touched the snow...

We decided to walk to the horseriding club with the horse as we have our horse riding session this afternoon.

I love the snow, sky contrast...

How the landscape changes according to the seasons.

It's a beautiful day

With such beautiful scenery, I could stroll on forever..

Beautiful trees pave both sides of the road

Ah… How I love the snow…

I was strolling down the Champs Elysees after work as I really did not feel like squeezing with the tons of people on the trains today. Yes, the train drivers are still on strike and poor us commuters, all stuck like sardines, pushed up against one another. That’s the problem with every big city I guess. We are a sardined nation.

However, I have always and still love walking. Breathing in the  freezing crisp air of the Parisian evening, cleared my head as I strolled along with the holiday makers that walked along in hordes on the pavements of the Champs Elysees. The Christmas market is finally up and this time I made sure that I got to drink my hot christmas wine! Yums! The white tents set up for the different stalls stretch from the metro station Champs Elysees Clemenceau to Concorde and the beautiful Ferris wheel at the end of the stretch makes it a lovely picture indeed. Here it is!

The Ferris Wheel

As I walked and walked and walked, I just can’t believe that I am in Paris, strolling on my own at a Xmas Fair. We are supposed to be surrounded by loved ones during the joyous season but I couldn’t help feeling quite alone. All my close friends are nowhere near and my family is a 13 hour flight away. Sigh, I guess I am really getting old. When I was younger, all I could think of was spreading my wings and fly. As I grew older, I realise nothing really comes close to family and it’s the family cheer that gets you through the day. I didn’t set out to be so melancholic but when I see a clique of wide eyed Japanese girls exclaiming at the giant woks of tartiflette, raclette and sausages and couples sharing pomme d’amours, families linking hands while putting churros in their mouth, children running around eating crêpes with nutella, I just felt a lump in my throat. But well, ’tis the season to be festive. I’d get over it. So voilà! The goodies!

Wide eyed Japanese girl staring at the gigantesque wok of sausages

And what’s Xmas without chestnuts?

Hot chestnuts anyone?

How about some life size soldiers?

Reminds me of tin soliders that wake up at night

For the Paris Xmas Magic….how can we forget this?

As I go round and round and round....

And then I saw a strange looking tree…

The little train going choo choo around the strange little tree

Behold all the candy shops lined along the boulevard…

The candy machine is working hard in the background

More.. More!

Candies even come in the shape of the Buddha nowadays...

Yay! Crêpes!

Hm.. the polar bears have come to Paris for Xmas?

A Christmas Fair without soft toys is not exactly a christmas fair…

Would you buy tartiflette from a french man with a hat?

The tartiflette is an oven baked dish with cheese, lardon (bacon) and potatoes

The beautiful Champs Elysees which my camera didn’t even do justice!

Have a merry little Christmas everyone! Joyeux noël and bonnes fêtes de fin d’année!

蜗牛

蒜炒茄子+bacon

斋鲍鱼

想不到阿妙还真有两下子!

不过是cheat one.

蜗牛是从超市买的，放进烤箱里就搞定!

至于斋鲍鱼呢?

erm…大家都知道是罐头啦。

哈哈。都跟你说是家常便饭了嘛。*嘻嘻* ^o^

Pulling up the horseriding breechers and tucking my legs into the high boots makes me feel like a very professional horserider indeed. My helmet is one of eons ago and had seen its days of glory – back from the days when Kiba won equestrian competitions. Galloping freely into the open space with the wind brushing my hair and the idea of freedom in my head, it’s more thrilling than a rollercoaster ride and comparable to speeding down a very steep slope on a bicycle. Galloping is more fun though as you and your horse are speeding together as one and it’s an animate creature that’s taking you by its back, racing at an exhilarating speed with your hair wild, sort of like Indiana Jones, albeit a sexier version.

Glad to have found this sport and hope to improve and challenge myself to greater heights. 骑马的感觉真爽!

Just came back from a trip to Northern France and everything feels slightly better. The warmth of the North emitted from its people finds it way right into your heart. It’s so heartwarming to be around genuinely warm people and the warm fuzziness goes way beyond what you can ever imagine. Wonder why God makes people so different from one another? That’s a question to chew on on another blustery day…

The theory of the retractable umbrella. 能屈能伸. The ability to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks is a gift indeed. Accepting a less than desirable position in times of crisis shows strength of character and after all perserverance prevails when all else fails. 水珠经光的晣射才会有彩虹，人生经坎坷磨砺才会有意义。

Be contented with what you have. Who knows whatever the future may bring.

Happy Belated Halloween

The blackberries grew so abundantly and it’s really up to us to go around the meadows to pick them. Abundant, I’d say is an understatement. We picked a total of 5.4kg so far and had absolutely delicious blackberry sorbet in the meantime. A farmer is really self sufficient. Living on the farm and living off the farm. Fresh air, blue skies and pretty flowers. In such a setting, one forgets about shopping and delights of the city. Living in the country is delightful as well.

Here are some pictures of the delightful garden and wild blackberries. Bon appetit.